So small and so strong

On Monday, I got to see you and hear your heartbeat for the first time. Your father was there with me and both of us were in awe of you. You are so small and already take up so much room in our hearts. 

I have to be honest, this last week I have been filled with anxiety about you. This doctor's appointment is the last one we have to see you until the first trimester is done. That means no more blood work to tell me everything is going okay and it worries me. We lost your sibling at ten weeks, although we were told they stopped growing at seven, and it still tears at my heart. But the doctor said you have a strong heartbeat, 113 to be exact, and said we should not worry. I am choosing to have faith the God will help me through this. 

On top of the anxiety I have been dealing with a lot of stress. It is the end of the first year of me teaching middle school and the kids are going crazy. I really hope you will be a kind student to your teacher.

We have started to tell people and for some reason it makes you more real. Tonight we are telling your Aunt Kris, Uncle Matt, and cousin Savannah. I can already imagine how happy they will all be. And next weekend we will be telling your grandpas and grandmas. 

Of course you know there is one person who will be missing from that, and that is my mom. She would have not been able to contain her excitement about you. I take some comfort knowing she is watching over you, but it is not the same as seeing the look on her face and hearing the joy in her voice. When I went to tell her at her grave about you I found a four leaf clover. I took that as her way of showing me how excited she was. She loved everything Irish and had a tattoo of a four leaf clover on her shoulder. 

And now I have started to make myself cry.

On a happier note your dad and I are betting on your gender. Right now we both think you are a boy. There is no real reason, just a feeling. If we are wrong and you are a girl I already have your name chosen, but I will save that for another blog.

Also, I have a feeling you may have some of your father's temperament in you and you are giving it to me. The rage has been extreme this week. 

I love you little one. Keep growing strong for us.